Starbert

Tonight, The Mermaids, The Mommy and I sat scattered around our cluttered table, eating our own dinners on an evening when dance went late, work went late and the collective day felt long.
Being the male lion that I am, I fixed my own meal, and began eating – my blood sugar level rose first.

TheWeeOne was impressing us with her secure knowledge of left and right while LaGrande was giving mnemonic tips for how to remember left from right; something TheWeeOne clearly already grasped.

I had another idea.

You know your “L” on your left hand only works for you, from where you are looking at it. WeeOne doesn’t see an “L” on your left hand but rather on your right…how can you decide, using the “L shape” which is left and which is right when you are facing different directions?
Huh?
On a ship…do you know what they call ‘left’?
No
Port
Huh?
But the port side is the SAME side no matter which way YOU are facing because it is the same side RELATIVE to the front of the ship.
Hm
Do you know what they call the ‘right’ side?
Right?
No, it’s called starboard.
Starb…?
Starboard.
Oh.

Now that they had the basics I started quizzing them. TheWeeOne caught on very quickly and where she stumbled LaGrande caught her hand.

If the ship is facing THIS way…which side is this?
PORT!
And what do you call this side!
STARBERT!
Right!

We did that for a few minutes, they had it down pat.
So I added fore and aft.

Now, if the ship is facing THIS way what do you call this side?
STARBERT!
And this side?
PORT!
And this way?
FORE!
And…

…you get the picture.

Ahh, it was good and easy game; some new words. But we tired quickly and soon we sat there breathing deep from our moments of explosive learning, content to soak in our new-found wisdom.

TheWeeOne, did not come down from this high quite so quickly and thereupon educated us all on a little-known and clearly superior directional.

So…if a PRINCESS is facing THIS way (pointing forward)…which way is her dress?!
Wha…Which way, what? (truly dumbfounded)
It’s THIS WAY!!

…and she made a big hoop shape with her arms and yelled

IT’S POOFY!

So there you have it.

On a ship:
< – Port
> – Starbert
^ – Fore
/ – Aft

On a princess:
O – Poofy

New Year 2011

Happy new year!

After a long day, several movies, skipped meals, a long late nap, and a Skype chat with The New Havens ringing in the new year EST style we headed off to bed before the advancing timeline.

But…

The WeeOne persisted and when the fireworks started blasting she sprang to the window like a holiday story.
For the next fifteen minutes we got the four year olds guide to the cut, color, clarity, and carat of each bang.
In the end she gave the spectacular only one thumbs up,

I wanted to see more.

oooooohhhhhh

Magine’s

After a successful Christmas showcase last night we were leaving the parking lot and querying The Mermaids

Did you have fun?
Was it worth it?
You did a great job!

You know the drill.

So TheWeeOne gave us a straightforward review.

I ran out of magines!
You what?
I ran out of magines; I just couldn’t imagine anymore. It came into my brain and through my head and then into my stomach…oh!…I just couldn’t imagine anything more.

I defy any critic to put so fine a point on the evening.

A coke and a smile

I saw a short posting on Facebook the other day that reminded me of this brief, yet informative, conversation I had with LaGrande Mermaid the other day.

She noticed an old-looking advertisement for Coca-Cola where Santa was illustrated having a Coke and a smile. Interesting story there by the way.

I digress.

Dad!!
What?!
Look! Over there!
Ok?
What is Santa doing?
Uh….laughing?
He is drinking a…a…soda!
Yeah?
He doesn’t drink coke, he drinks MILK!
Ahhh, yeah. Some people will do just about anything in advertising to make you try to buy their product.
hmmm

There was a pause for a few minutes as we drove down the road.
I broke the silence with the following question?

Do you think he drinks milk in every country that he visits? In every house?
Yeah.
Well what if they don’t have milk?
Uhhhh.
He might get kinda tired of the same thing all the time anyway…I mean some countries may serve him WINE for all we know? Or goats milk maybe?

Well, at least he doesn’t go all around the world all at the same time – b’cause different countries have Christmas at different times. I mean, he has to come and visit here for like a week and have kids sit on his lap and ask them what they want for…hey?!
What?
How does he talk to all the kids that don’t speak English?
You think Santa only speaks English?
Well…
He speaks every language known to man, just like that mermaid in your movie.
Oh…hmmm
I mean, to be totally fair…language doesn’t even really apply to Santa – he ‘understands’ and ‘speaks’ in feeling and intent and in goodness and badness. He doesn’t really even NEED language.
Yeah. …and did you know that in my dance…

She moved on as adroitly and as suddenly as she had started the discussion not 5 minutes earlier.
I had a lingering feeling; like I was just…getting…warmed up, but I need to remember; Santa is what he is for her.

I like Christmas-time.

Big ol mo

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned my mo. That would be short for mustache, bit this is anything but short.

For the month of Movember I joined about thirty workmates and thousands of mo brothas and mo sistas around the world in growing mustaches for charity.

We didn’t do much in the way of charity because we basically used Movember as a surrogate for our annual mustache contest.

That was perhaps a long and unnecessary story in order to get to the final shot of my 35 day old mustache. TheWeeOne helped me shave it off this morning.

I feel strangely liberated.

me and my mo

I don’t often post pictures of myself but in this case I can make an exception for my doting fans.

Thanksgiving Dinner(s)

We are lucky enough to have a lot of family close by and so we tend to get two thanksgivings every year.
This year was no exception.

Thursday we enjoyed a good meal, a few games, some technical impossibilities, and a movie. Then Friday we enjoyed another good meal, a few laughs, an impossibly technical christmas tree, and excellent eggnog pumpkin pie. That is bordering on a run-on sentence so let me break it down a little bit.

This 3 hour time-lapse helps tell the story – the meal and the games. The Mermaids helped me with the…er…soundtrack.

Thanksgiving 2010 (6.4MB M4V (Quicktime) download)

What this doesn’t capture is the conversation, which really set the tone.
After arriving I noticed that a behemoth bowl of fruit salad dominated the table. I dared enter the domain of the kitchen for a quick question of Monya,

Do you really want this huge thing on the table?
Well…
I mean we could just, maybe put it in a smaller bo…
Yeah, if you want to download it just go ahead.

It was Aunt Schmubba that broke the news on that technical impossibility

Ahhhhh….did you just suggest that he…uhh…’download’ the fruit salad?!
Well yeah I…

Then we all realized Monya has become, much to her chagrin, very ‘tech’- she is apparently reserving bandwidth for meals.
Soon afterward I loaded some turkey and mashed potatoes onto the hard disk, prepared them for a torrent of peer-to-peer communication and I even uploaded some coffee and pie. Who knew there was an app for that?

Friday’s meal was amazing as well. LaGrande Mermaid played with the resident pooch, Maggie-May who could squeak a chew toy off the top shelf with her high-pitched bark.
At some point during the evening I started quizzing Gramma Nana on the things in her kitchen, and much to my surprise, without looking she knew exactly what was where down to what was the only spice in her spice cabinet with a yellow lid. Amazing.
One thing led to another and I thought to quiz her on her tree. She claimed no ability to have memorized ornamental placement but I was surprised to discover that she didn’t know how many ornaments she had?
So I embarked to find out.

Calculating the tree to be 9 feet tall, with a radius at the base of 2.5(r) feet we measured the length of a side at roughly 9.34 feet (s).
The area of the surface is = πrs (we don’t care about the base) and therefore the surface area is 3.1415*2.5*9.34 = 73.4 square feet.
We then assumed that she installed ornaments an average of 8 inches deep (3/4 of a foot) and so to figure the volume of the hangable ornament space we multiplied 73.4 * .75 to get 55.1 cubic feet.
Then Brady and I counted the number of ornaments in 1 cubic foot of space (so marked using Grampa Troy’s foot long slippers) and averaged our two counts at 21.5.

Having all the data we now needed to estimate the total number of ornaments on the tree we simply multiplied 21.5 * 55.1 to get a whopping 1,200* ornaments.

(* so the math actually comes to 1184 but I am rounding up…trust me, if you saw this tree you’d round up too.)
TheMommy thinks Gramma Nana went light on it this year.

For those that wonder – Gramma Nana claims that it takes her 10 hours, each year, to put the ornaments on the tree AFTER she gets the lights put on – and tested.

It is a labor of love, to be sure.
The impossible, ten-hour tree.

Thanks be to Snowpocalypse 2010

It is no secret…I like snow.
I don’t regularly ski, I don’t snowboard, I don’t tend to drive in the snow – but it’s fun.

Snow is a game changer, especially in Seattle, and I tend to like change; keep doing things differently, testing, trying.

I like the fact that snow shuts down, or changes, normal operation…no school.
I like the fact that snow makes us appreciate the small conveniences we take for granted…grocery stores.
I like the fact that snow makes things quiet…like a pillow.
I like the fact that snow breaks your fall…when you plop.
I like the fact that snow makes things slippery…when you sled.

I wouldn’t have any of these memories, these pictures, and the same holiday week without snow…and we never even left the house.
This set of pictures is my way of saying thanks to, and for, the world with snow.

SnowSecret

SnowCicle

SnowIsland

SnowBibbit

SnowSitting

SnowSoaring

SnowFear

SnowHappy

SnowSisters

Epic Sled Run 2010

Since we moved into Talbot I have always regarded our neighborhood hill with respect and…well…longing.

Longing for a good snow. (done)
Longing for a good solid freeze. (done)
Longing for a good sled run. (not done)

Since BopOp left his Yankee Clipper metal runner sled up here we have had one or two opportunities – one of which was immediately preceded by a heavy sanding and well, that just stinks for sledding.
Furthermore, those previous snowy opportunities usually didn’t include the rest of the family and I was not able to take a run alone as I was needed for lift duty.

This time, work notwithstanding, I had my chance.
LaGrande Mermaid is old enough to hang on and, importantly, was willing.
TheWeeOne wanted to stay inside.
TheMommy was staying with her.
And it was still light outside.

I told LaGrande to grab her helmet and some of my spare cycling glasses. Confusedly, she obliged.

We hummed something approximating the theme to The A-Team as we snapped on our NutCase helmets.

We needn’t walk far – the road in our slightly tapered cul-de-sac was and still is a sheet of ice.

Why are we wearing our helmets?
Cause this is more dangerous than anything we have done yet.
What is? I don’t want to get hurt?
Me neither – that’s why we’re wearing our helmets.
Why are we wearing glasses – to keep the snow out of our eyes?
No honey, for the wind – cause we’re gonna go fast.
But I don’t want to fall off?
Me either.
It will hurt if we fall off right?
It depends on where we fall off – if we fall off.
I don’t want to hit anything.
Me either – I don’t intend on hitting anything – are you ready?

Are you ready?
…yeah?
Ok here we go.

We started slowly, LaGrande was nervously shifting and muttering nervous things I don’t now remember into my ear – but I was focused.
Focused on safety and speed and fun. Not necessarily in that order – although safety is naturally high on my list.

I turned on my flashing headlamp, but configured as it is for a recumbent bicycle, it did a really good job of illuminating the ground 2 feet in front of me.
As we picked up speed and coasted out onto the main circuit I had previously been upset to see sand on the roads…but this time it was light and on the *other* side of the road. Works fer me.

We turned the corner and left the sand behind and the Clipper lurched quickly forward, gliding easily on well worn runners.
LaGrande clutched at me tightly. She was on and the muttering stopped.

We were really cranking now, and despite the eye protection the wind was howling fast and loud, the cold and my eyes were teary.
From speed or fright? – I’m going with speed.

All I could do was steer for that first steep dip – there wasn’t anyone in the way and it’s a good thing too.
Over the whoopdie-doo and we slowed down…slightly.

Then speed again – but never as fast as at first. The clutching of LaGrande released slightly, allowing me to breathe finally and she said

That wasn’t so bad.

I wasn’t so sure.

Coming to the long sweeping right a ForeRunner SUV approached from below – I laid my left leg (henceforth the “brake”) in the street and slowed us down to a sane pace. The Clipper tracked like a trolley; The SUV didn’t have that much control and was probably a little freaked out to see a Green and Pink figure on top of Super Dave Osborne hurtling down the mountainside.

Leaving the ForeRunner I saw a big GMC going our way, awayyyyy down the road and at the top of the next whoopdie-do.

I released the brake and we lurched forward again. It was clear we needn’t worry about ‘ol GMC.
At least…it was clear for about three seconds, upon entering second number four it wasn’t clear anymore because we were catching Gimmy at an alarming rate. I remember a “Whoo hoo”, briefly in my ear.

I braked again briefly, for control, as another car swept past us going home, and we rose effortlessly to the top of the last whoopdie-do.
Gimmy was taking the final corner and, if it were a race to the very bottom, we would have caught him undoubtedly.

However, being the responsible adult that I am, I knew that a race to the very bottom necessitated a foolhardy descent onto a main cross street without any exit route. I deployed both brakes and we came to a slow halt at the right side curb, in the deep stuff.

Stats: .4 miles in about 75 seconds (conservatively) for an average speed of about 19.2 mph.

What are we doing?
Stopping here honey.
Why?
Because…the rest is just crazy!
Oh…ok…That wasn’t so bad!! But….HUAWW, My face is FREEZING!
Yeah! That was fun though eh?
Yeah, let’s do it again!!

The majority of the 20 minute walk home I described how there are things you do, sometimes, that aren’t generally advisable but with a little forethought can be done safely and enjoyably…and in this case…

We aren’t going to tempt fate.
No, we won’t be doing that again.
But…
Dang’ol dang’ol wasn’t that fun?!

Yeah! I can’t wait to tell Mommy!

Uhhhm, about that…