Category: bliefs

I am all but caught up with the goings on around here.
The last big event worth my time at a computer is our annual camping trip to Dash Point.

Last year you may remember as The Year Of The Spider. If that is so then this year is The Year Of The Hammock.

I won this hammock some years ago at a gift exchange and The Mommy found it this year while packing. Perfect.
Except for one little thing – our site didn’t have great anchor points. So I did the best I could and wound up with a slightly unstable, taffy-wrapper.
It was good for playing in but not great for sleeping in.

LaGrande Mermaid proved that on the first night when I acquiesced to her demands. Along about o’dark thirty I was awakened by a little mermaid propped up in a sitting position on the cold hard reality called ground.

Daddy!?
Wha…huuu..Are you okay?
Yeah.
[sigh] You fell out of the hammock allright.
No I didn’t.
Oh, you got out then? Why’d you do that?
I didn’t…
What? Well then why are you on the ground?
I’m not.
Mermaid, Look…[pointing at the empty hammock]…are you still in it?
Yeah.
What? Look at it.
[long look at the the empty hammock and now gesticulating with her hands]
Daddy, this might sound funny but…I didn’t get out.
Honey, you are sitting on the ground.
No I’m not look!

And she proceeded to flop down onto the “hammock” of rocks and stickery bushes underneath the real hammock.
When I told her to get up her voice and line of reasoning changed gears suddenly into “I’m freezing” and more common-sensical complaints of a night.
Nowwww, she’s with me.

I put her in the tent and only two other people fell out of that hammock the rest of the weekend – none while sleeping. The Mommy never got in it.

We enjoyed one of the smokier fires on record…all weekend…and suffered only a small smattering of mosquitos to prove it.

The t-shirt I am wearing tonight, two weeks later, has been through the wash twice and continues to repel even the hardiest bugs..

It wasn’t all fun and games – there was sunscreen to put on, hair to comb, and treats upon cookies upon candies to NEEEEEEEEEDD…and deny.

But in the scheme of things, the good times far outweighed the nasty looks.

With the weather so good, warm, and sunny, we were on the beach often making sandcastles, sculpturing mermaid tails and Ursula tentacles, throwing Mermaids “up high”…

…and having seaweed fights. In the following sequence you can see the result of my dare

You can’t get me with that seaweed…I dare you.

I successfully avoided the splatter for many minutes. I REALLY didn’t want to get that nasty slimy stuff on me.
Unfortunately my memory and attention span is short. LaGrande’s – not so much.
The Mommy captured the sequence on film.

I have also recently made a similar bet.
I bet LaGrande Mermaid that she would be unable to startle me – I confessed that these many years of “startles” were contrived for her benefit and that I have only been successfully startled a handful of times in my adult life.
She has my word that if she is successful I will own up to it, and tell the story, on this blog. The gauntlet has been tossed.

Lucky for me, I don’t really have to remember that she’s gunning for me – I count on my well-dulled sense of danger to save me. If I were a caveman I would probably have been eaten by a Sabre-toothed tiger I just assumed was Thlog trying to scare me.

Before the batteries on our respective cameras went dead for the remainder of the weekend I adequately captured The Year of the Hammock – dirty feet and all.
LaGrande on one side making fish-faces and TheWeeOne on the other laughing her scales off..

If the major story of the weekend was the hammock, then I got a minor in Raccoon.

One night, late, a raccoon started poking around our site. I shooed him off and went back to sleep. At dawn he found the edge of his territory, and perhaps another raccoon. The resulting sounds, and the headlong escape crashing through the underbrush jump-started my heart. When I popped up here was a medium-sized raccoon barreling across the campsite right at my face (I sleep under the stars). I did the only thing a full grown man threatened by a stark-raving-mad-wild-animal would do.

Didja grin ‘im down?
No.
Didja swat him aside with’a back a yer hand?
No.
Well…whadja do then?

I roared at him like an enraged lion and skeered him off.
He saw the light and knew he was beaten so he veered hard right and made for the tallest tree.

My hackles were still raised when TheMommy quickly unzipped her fortress and poked out.

What the heck was that?!!
Just a raccoon [I said “calmly”]
Really!? Wow. It sounded just like a pig!

The “afterimage” of sound still ringing in my ears proved that my cavernous and tremendous lion-like roar came out more like a squealing…cornered…runt…pig.

No matter: Raccoons don’t know what a lion sounds like.

Hey you wanna ride around Mt. Rainier this summer?
Ok.
In one day?
What?!…um…wait…how far is it? Wait, I dunno. Why?
C’mon, it’s called the RAMROD and it’s like a hundred and eighty miles or some crazy thing and TheDancer’s husband did it with like no training. There’ll be support and…
No he didn’t.
Well he said he did – and the best part of the whole thing is that there is this hill, like at mile 150 or something that goes for like 10 miles. It’s supposed to be really…
WHAT?!!
Yeah – it’ll be fun, c’mon. Besides…I kinda like climbing hills.
No you don’t.
Yes I do. I actually kinda enjoy the…..
NO YOU DON’T – nobody, and I mean NOBODY, likes climbing hills. And if you think I’m ever gonna believe you you’re nuts.
[[long pause]]
[together]I think we’re gonna need some better bikes.

Fast forward (and I do mean FAST) a lot of life, 5 children, three-ish STP’s, countless commutes, weekend rides, four houses, four bikes, and at least one separated shoulder and we come to a scene from last winter when TheFed’s wife, let’s call her Sweep, sat him down and said something like this

If you think you are ever going to do this whole RAMROD thing you better do it this summer.
Why?
‘Cause I’m pregnant and you aren’t gonna leave me alone with all four any time soon.
uhhhhh
And you aren’t getting any younger.
gruglugeulguuolug

That put this business in high gear and TheFed started training, with a buddy, on a LOT of hills. I already had a decent level of bicycle fitness because I commute nearly every day between 12 and 34 miles so I felt that I could lollygag a little bit and…well…we have the pain of the aforementioned LiveStrong challenge to prove it.
I did better after that and TheFed was clearly in great shape.

You know, I must be feeling really saucy or something because I could just go on setting up this story all blog long and before we know it another nine years would pass before I got this post on the road.

[[record scratching sound]]

July 20, 2010
TheMommy, myself, TheFed, and Sweep (8 months pregnant) got up at oh-dark-thirty on July 20th, pile into my SwaggerWagon and make our way to the start line for a 05:00 send off. The girls were committed to being our support all day. I don’t recall the last time, or if ever, the four of us spent that much time together without our kids. That in itself was a feat.

The Start
At 05:20 we are on our way in the crisp morning air.

The typical beginning-of-the-ride jokes, sarcasm, and mock jinxes follow the sunrise

Only 153 more miles to go!
It’s not so cold!
Do I have a flat already?

To Eatonville
We travelled at a good pace down 410 and 165 leaving Enumclaw bound for Eatonville.. The girls missed an early morning turn and barely missed a stray herd of horses on Pioneer Ave so we saw them twice before we hit our first scheduled stop.

It was in this early morning light that our most interesting extra-bicyclular antics took place.
The first was a strange beast of a dog, just before the MiniMart in Kapowsin ([insidejoke]theeeeahhh Root Beeeahh[/endinsidejoke]) that must have been part pitbull and part whippet. He lit out after me for being near his turf and as I was already doing a steady 17mph I felt I had the jump on him – but he cranked it up and I fast realized I wasn’t going to escape his grip. An overanxious passing driver came around just then and sent that dog’s ears straight back, missed that bedraggled hide by mere inches, and saved me a trip to the ER for a tetanus shot.

Shortly later, next to Kapowsin lake, a confused doe stood in the middle of our path observing our approach. She departed unhurriedly, but when I got a little too close her saunter turned into a bounding dash and she crashed off into the bushes. We didn’t have any other problems, of this sort, for the rest of the day.

We arrived in Eatonville whereupon I accidentally reset my computer. urgh.
No matter, I figured to reset my computer at each stop and watch our splits accordingly. I didn’t catch the first one.

After donuts we turned towards Alder Cutoff road and HWY 7.

To Ashford
This was our first real hill of the day and it was a good warmup, or so we thought. Pulling along Alder lake towards Ashford was a constant shallow rise. We both got quiet for a bit and admitted to each other that this was kicking our butts already and the steep part wasn’t even a glimmer yet. We pulled into Ashford feeling the first effects of our efforts. I recall that our split average was about 15mph.
A 20 minute rest in Ashford got our legs back under us and we set off for Longmire and the real climbing. The sky was still cloudy.

To Longmire
This portion quickly became beautiful when we crossed into the Mt. Rainier park and were told sarcastically that bears like moving targets. I took it sarcastically anyway.
The road was narrow, the trees were tall, and the sun started peeking out.

It got downright warm so at a big turnout near Longmire we shed some layers. We misjudged our appointed stopping spot, Sweep and TheMommy were further up the road, so when we saw them we happily unloaded our stretched jerseys and mistakenly (for me at least) failed to add SPF50 to now exposed arms. I also failed to grab a fresh bottle. The distance was about 65 miles and the time was about 10:00. I don’t recall the split on this stage.

To Paradise
After several short stops for peekaboo pictures of the now resplendent mountain we found ourselves on the hardest part of the day for me.

I noticed a strong hunger pang five miles from Paradise and I emptied my granola and water bottle into my grumbling belly. My energy level was close behind and I fell off the pace very quickly in the hot sun three miles from the top. 20 minutes and a little over a mile and a half later I recovered for the last push and TheFed allowed me to catch up.
Amazingly, after only two or three shared rides in the preceding 6 months, we were mostly well synched this day. As I recall our split for this 11 mile section was about 9 mph.
We made it with tired legs but a sense of confidence that outstripped our expectations.
The day was beautiful and we had passed stage one, halfway home.

I think I also put on about 4 pounds during our 90 minute lunch break. Strawberries, PBJ, chocolate milk, water, and I don’t remember much else except that my jaw was almost as strained as my thighs. The walk back to the SwaggerWagon didn’t really feel like ‘more’.

The coming descent did.

To Hwy123
The descent out of Paradise was perfect. Warm, easy, traffic-lite, and just a little bit edgy. Speed wasn’t the name of the game here – braking was.

The tight switchbacks, pock-marked pavement, street-width drainage grates, combined with VERY VERY steep dropoffs to our right meant that, one of us at least, had cramps in his hands from riding the brakes. Our rims got a little hot but the SwaggerWagon was running sweep this time (with Sweep at the wheel no less) and we got down the hill in good shape.

When the road was downgraded to “just a hill” the SwaggerWagon accelerated to the next meeting point. If only I had checked that intersection once more.
I meant to ensure that they met us at the start of the next real hill – instead I tagged the map with the END of the next real hill. And this hill is as real as it gets. Our split for this 22 mile section was north of a 25mph average.

To Cayuse
We didn’t realize my miscalculation until we were a mile or two into the climb. I knew the climb to Cayuse started right about mile 100 and after we crossed mile 102 it was obvious we were climbing something more than a small rise.

Well, one good thing is at least this grade is constant.
[[pause]]
Do you have any extra liquid? I’m out.
Yeah – I’ve got some Gatorade. Here.
Do you have any that’s cold?

I only wish I was clever enough for a comeback that good.
This section was over eight miles of constant 8% grades. Never more than 10-11% I would estimate, but nary a flat spot.
We stopped twice as I recall for the aforementioned liquid and for a simple breather about 2 miles from the top. It worked out well for us. And when we arrived – well, suffice it to say that Oreo cookies never tasted that good. The split wasn’t great but it didn’t matter – we were all but done. The remainder, a formality.

To Greenwater
The rest of the trip is cake. All downhill and wide open. There was a lot of traffic but a large shoulder. We cranked it up into a paceline, refreshed from our hiatus with chocolate wafers and the glorious creme filling and maintained something like 24 mph into a light headwind all the way into Greenwater. TheMommy and Sweep were waiting with sandwiches and pre-scoped bathrooms. I think we left Greenwater about 18:00 with only 24 miles to go. Average for the split was 24mph and change.

To Enumclaw
We did the same thing from Greenwater to Enumclaw – pacelining and easy pedalling over rolling hills. The only negative about this section was hitting a small snake on roadside but the early evening ride down Mud Mountain Road and the swooping last descent off of Mud Mountain Dam was like good music – it just rolls.

After only one small detour we finished at 19:30 with just over 14 hours elapsed time from the start.
We gratefully allowed our better halves to drive us home and ate just about everything left in the car – well not EVERYTHING. The girls were extraordinarily prepared.

The Epilogue
So there it is. Nine years in the making. 153 miles, around Mt. Rainier in one day with an overall average riding speed of 14.3 mph.
It was worth the wait and as hard as it was I’d do it again.

TheFed and I were in synch and an excellent riding partner. I could ask for better – he pushed me when he could and waited when I couldn’t. Gave his last drop of warm gatorade with a healthy dose of realism which kept me from rocketing off a cliff somewhere in a euphoric descent.

I am glad to have ridden with you buddy, it was the way it ought to be…but next time we’ll start from the house.