Category: she said

Starbert

Tonight, The Mermaids, The Mommy and I sat scattered around our cluttered table, eating our own dinners on an evening when dance went late, work went late and the collective day felt long.
Being the male lion that I am, I fixed my own meal, and began eating – my blood sugar level rose first.

TheWeeOne was impressing us with her secure knowledge of left and right while LaGrande was giving mnemonic tips for how to remember left from right; something TheWeeOne clearly already grasped.

I had another idea.

You know your “L” on your left hand only works for you, from where you are looking at it. WeeOne doesn’t see an “L” on your left hand but rather on your right…how can you decide, using the “L shape” which is left and which is right when you are facing different directions?
Huh?
On a ship…do you know what they call ‘left’?
No
Port
Huh?
But the port side is the SAME side no matter which way YOU are facing because it is the same side RELATIVE to the front of the ship.
Hm
Do you know what they call the ‘right’ side?
Right?
No, it’s called starboard.
Starb…?
Starboard.
Oh.

Now that they had the basics I started quizzing them. TheWeeOne caught on very quickly and where she stumbled LaGrande caught her hand.

If the ship is facing THIS way…which side is this?
PORT!
And what do you call this side!
STARBERT!
Right!

We did that for a few minutes, they had it down pat.
So I added fore and aft.

Now, if the ship is facing THIS way what do you call this side?
STARBERT!
And this side?
PORT!
And this way?
FORE!
And…

…you get the picture.

Ahh, it was good and easy game; some new words. But we tired quickly and soon we sat there breathing deep from our moments of explosive learning, content to soak in our new-found wisdom.

TheWeeOne, did not come down from this high quite so quickly and thereupon educated us all on a little-known and clearly superior directional.

So…if a PRINCESS is facing THIS way (pointing forward)…which way is her dress?!
Wha…Which way, what? (truly dumbfounded)
It’s THIS WAY!!

…and she made a big hoop shape with her arms and yelled

IT’S POOFY!

So there you have it.

On a ship:
< – Port
> – Starbert
^ – Fore
/ – Aft

On a princess:
O – Poofy

Magine’s

After a successful Christmas showcase last night we were leaving the parking lot and querying The Mermaids

Did you have fun?
Was it worth it?
You did a great job!

You know the drill.

So TheWeeOne gave us a straightforward review.

I ran out of magines!
You what?
I ran out of magines; I just couldn’t imagine anymore. It came into my brain and through my head and then into my stomach…oh!…I just couldn’t imagine anything more.

I defy any critic to put so fine a point on the evening.

A coke and a smile

I saw a short posting on Facebook the other day that reminded me of this brief, yet informative, conversation I had with LaGrande Mermaid the other day.

She noticed an old-looking advertisement for Coca-Cola where Santa was illustrated having a Coke and a smile. Interesting story there by the way.

I digress.

Dad!!
What?!
Look! Over there!
Ok?
What is Santa doing?
Uh….laughing?
He is drinking a…a…soda!
Yeah?
He doesn’t drink coke, he drinks MILK!
Ahhh, yeah. Some people will do just about anything in advertising to make you try to buy their product.
hmmm

There was a pause for a few minutes as we drove down the road.
I broke the silence with the following question?

Do you think he drinks milk in every country that he visits? In every house?
Yeah.
Well what if they don’t have milk?
Uhhhh.
He might get kinda tired of the same thing all the time anyway…I mean some countries may serve him WINE for all we know? Or goats milk maybe?

Well, at least he doesn’t go all around the world all at the same time – b’cause different countries have Christmas at different times. I mean, he has to come and visit here for like a week and have kids sit on his lap and ask them what they want for…hey?!
What?
How does he talk to all the kids that don’t speak English?
You think Santa only speaks English?
Well…
He speaks every language known to man, just like that mermaid in your movie.
Oh…hmmm
I mean, to be totally fair…language doesn’t even really apply to Santa – he ‘understands’ and ‘speaks’ in feeling and intent and in goodness and badness. He doesn’t really even NEED language.
Yeah. …and did you know that in my dance…

She moved on as adroitly and as suddenly as she had started the discussion not 5 minutes earlier.
I had a lingering feeling; like I was just…getting…warmed up, but I need to remember; Santa is what he is for her.

I like Christmas-time.

Epic Sled Run 2010

Since we moved into Talbot I have always regarded our neighborhood hill with respect and…well…longing.

Longing for a good snow. (done)
Longing for a good solid freeze. (done)
Longing for a good sled run. (not done)

Since BopOp left his Yankee Clipper metal runner sled up here we have had one or two opportunities – one of which was immediately preceded by a heavy sanding and well, that just stinks for sledding.
Furthermore, those previous snowy opportunities usually didn’t include the rest of the family and I was not able to take a run alone as I was needed for lift duty.

This time, work notwithstanding, I had my chance.
LaGrande Mermaid is old enough to hang on and, importantly, was willing.
TheWeeOne wanted to stay inside.
TheMommy was staying with her.
And it was still light outside.

I told LaGrande to grab her helmet and some of my spare cycling glasses. Confusedly, she obliged.

We hummed something approximating the theme to The A-Team as we snapped on our NutCase helmets.

We needn’t walk far – the road in our slightly tapered cul-de-sac was and still is a sheet of ice.

Why are we wearing our helmets?
Cause this is more dangerous than anything we have done yet.
What is? I don’t want to get hurt?
Me neither – that’s why we’re wearing our helmets.
Why are we wearing glasses – to keep the snow out of our eyes?
No honey, for the wind – cause we’re gonna go fast.
But I don’t want to fall off?
Me either.
It will hurt if we fall off right?
It depends on where we fall off – if we fall off.
I don’t want to hit anything.
Me either – I don’t intend on hitting anything – are you ready?
…
Are you ready?
…yeah?
Ok here we go.

We started slowly, LaGrande was nervously shifting and muttering nervous things I don’t now remember into my ear – but I was focused.
Focused on safety and speed and fun. Not necessarily in that order – although safety is naturally high on my list.

I turned on my flashing headlamp, but configured as it is for a recumbent bicycle, it did a really good job of illuminating the ground 2 feet in front of me.
As we picked up speed and coasted out onto the main circuit I had previously been upset to see sand on the roads…but this time it was light and on the *other* side of the road. Works fer me.

We turned the corner and left the sand behind and the Clipper lurched quickly forward, gliding easily on well worn runners.
LaGrande clutched at me tightly. She was on and the muttering stopped.

We were really cranking now, and despite the eye protection the wind was howling fast and loud, the cold and my eyes were teary.
From speed or fright? – I’m going with speed.

All I could do was steer for that first steep dip – there wasn’t anyone in the way and it’s a good thing too.
Over the whoopdie-doo and we slowed down…slightly.

Then speed again – but never as fast as at first. The clutching of LaGrande released slightly, allowing me to breathe finally and she said

That wasn’t so bad.

I wasn’t so sure.

Coming to the long sweeping right a ForeRunner SUV approached from below – I laid my left leg (henceforth the “brake”) in the street and slowed us down to a sane pace. The Clipper tracked like a trolley; The SUV didn’t have that much control and was probably a little freaked out to see a Green and Pink figure on top of Super Dave Osborne hurtling down the mountainside.

Leaving the ForeRunner I saw a big GMC going our way, awayyyyy down the road and at the top of the next whoopdie-do.

I released the brake and we lurched forward again. It was clear we needn’t worry about ‘ol GMC.
At least…it was clear for about three seconds, upon entering second number four it wasn’t clear anymore because we were catching Gimmy at an alarming rate. I remember a “Whoo hoo”, briefly in my ear.

I braked again briefly, for control, as another car swept past us going home, and we rose effortlessly to the top of the last whoopdie-do.
Gimmy was taking the final corner and, if it were a race to the very bottom, we would have caught him undoubtedly.

However, being the responsible adult that I am, I knew that a race to the very bottom necessitated a foolhardy descent onto a main cross street without any exit route. I deployed both brakes and we came to a slow halt at the right side curb, in the deep stuff.

Stats: .4 miles in about 75 seconds (conservatively) for an average speed of about 19.2 mph.

What are we doing?
Stopping here honey.
Why?
Because…the rest is just crazy!
Oh…ok…That wasn’t so bad!! But….HUAWW, My face is FREEZING!
Yeah! That was fun though eh?
Yeah, let’s do it again!!

The majority of the 20 minute walk home I described how there are things you do, sometimes, that aren’t generally advisable but with a little forethought can be done safely and enjoyably…and in this case…

We aren’t going to tempt fate.
No, we won’t be doing that again.
But…
Dang’ol dang’ol wasn’t that fun?!

Yeah! I can’t wait to tell Mommy!

Uhhhm, about that…

A whopper

Tonight I read The Emperors New Clothes…
…only the finest, and the colors were exquisite. He…

Dadda?
Yes?
What’s ‘eggkwisite’?
(it was TheWeeOne)
It means ‘great’ or ‘awesome’.
Oh.

I was content with my definition and I tried to move on but there was an almost imperceptible wiggle, in the peaceful blue water in front of me, a skillful tug at the line.

Dadda.
Yes?
‘Exkwisite’ means big, reaaally big.

Wha? Now pause || Right here.

LaGrande was also there, paying attention, and she saw something she recognized. She wasn’t quite sure but she had seen these little tantalizing worms on hooks before – just hanging there – and something told her they were to be avoided. She leaned over into my far ear and casually waved the back of her hand and said

It’sokay, jus…just let her…

But she didn’t finish because I was already nibbling.

Wha? No it doesn’t sweetie, it means ‘awesome’.
(LaGrande now, with a helpful movie reference and because she too couldn’t resist the wiggle) It’s like B-Awesome!
Yeah, like B-Awesome!

No it isn’t Dadda, it means big…and stretchy!

Right there she saw me rise, felt the telltale nibble, and set the hook.
LaGrande slumped a little bit, swam off, and I was dazed, confused, and suddenly at full tilt, what is this *thing* in my lip?

Wha? B-b-b-but it says that “the color was exquisite“. Can a color be big?
Yeah.
How do you make a color big?
Dadda, it means stretchy.

Even weirder, I couldn’t even swim the direction I thought I could swim.

Okay, well then how do you make a color stretchy? Is this pink (in the bedsheet) stretchy? How do you stretch a color, like this pink?

Oh the splashing, what a fighter! But, not much point to this then is there. Amid the ruckus she reached out and skillfully pulled on the sheet and stretched it mightily as if to say…see – don’t worry, it’s gonna be just fine.

Ack!

I flailed some more, came fully out of the water, looking around for something hard, and pointed to the headboards of the big yellow bed.

What about this yellow? Is it stretchy? How can you stretch this yellow?

Being reeled in unawares, I still felt I had my head, but the surface approached. She reached out and pressed her hands across the smooth surface of the headboard and with a sly giggle said

You can’t…Dadda…(like don’t you know) it isn’t exquisite.

Whoa, i was suddenly landed! Wha, in..a…boat. What just happened?
I flopped around for a few short seconds sucking in gills-full of pure oxygen. I could only hope for a peaceful resolution.

My captor was merciful – there was no barb – and after only a small indignity, I was released.

‘Exquisite’ is, for now, stretchy-big.

Miss Simile

Similes have always been hard for me and I have always envied people that could wing them off like so much…I don’t know what.

See!? Fercryin’outloud I can’t even come up with one while I’m writing.

[Tangent]
I wouldn’t be surprised if more than 30% of the time i spend writing big posts (over 300 words) on this blog was spent laboring over metaphors and similes. It’ crazy. I’m like a something or other in an I don’t know what.
[/Tangent]

So is it in any surprise that when my four year-old mermaid pops one off like a…really…clever simile maker (arghhhhhh) I get really jazzed up?

Tonight while reckoning just how skinny her little frog, Hermione, is she said

She’s so skinny she’s a size of a fishes foot.

Wow…just wow.