The storm of Ought Six

So this was a pretty bad one eh?

I have power now, we were out for about 22 hours and in that time we found out the following.
Our house gets cold pretty quickly, by the 20 hour mark we were down to 55F. We normally keep the house between 68-70F.
Despite the gas powered hot water heater, we didn’t have it. I will have to figure out why that is in the coming days.
Despite the gas fireplace in the basement, we couldn’t use it. It has an electric component (and a pilot light too?) that didn’t allow it to start. I will figure that one out soon as well.
Our neighborhood is down about 6-8 trees. The neighbors lost a 40-50 foot spruce at the 20 foot level. Impressive that it just snapped right in half and landed in their driveway. No discernible damage.

I haven’t looked at my roof closely yet, suppose I should, to see if any shingles are missing. Seems okay.

We did get some water coming into Abby’s playhouse early on Thursday night, I think it was from the rain pounding against the front door and being driven between the door jamb and the floor. Not sure if I am going to figure that one out soon.

Oh yeah, and our regular wood burning fireplace sucks more heat out of the house than it gives off, by a lot. We could feel the air rushing past our faces sucking out the fireplace. And the flu level is open all the way or closed all the way, I can’t meter it’s flow to try and get just the smoke but not the rest of the house.

You can see the tree we built our treehouse in when we were kids here on the rentonkayaker blog here. It didn’t make it this year.
RentonKayaker was almost RentonKayakless on this day.

I hope you have all weathered this event well and have just good stories, rather than bad news.
—–
UPDATE: I fixed the broken link on RentonKayaker blog above.

What would you have me do then?

I don’t want to get too sidetracked here, this is primarily a place for funny stories, pictures, and fun.
HOWEVER, I couldn’t help but laugh when I read this story about a zero-day exploit in MS Word.
I don’t even know what that means, and this article doesn’t tell you which, by the way, isn’t the funny part. (I don’t like viruses, exploits, and the people that think they accomplish something with them et al. I think they are counterproductive in the extreme and don’t prove much more than you, the virus writer, are a major jerk.) The funny part, and what made me laugh was this line quoted from the article.

There are no pre-patch workarounds available.
Microsoft suggests that users “not open or save Word files,” even from trusted sources.

It is entirely possible that this quote snippet is unduly divorced from relevant context, snippets like this often are, right?
SO, I did a little due diligence and found the full quote (and lots of context) on the security advisory linked in the article. It reads,

Microsoft has tested the following workarounds. While these workarounds will not correct the underlying vulnerability, they help block known attack vectors. When a workaround reduces functionality, it is identified in the following section.

Do not open or save Word files that you receive from un-trusted sources or that you receive unexpectedly from trusted sources. This vulnerability could be exploited when a user opens a specially crafted Word file.

OOOOkay.

Probably, there is enough of a difference in emphasis between the snippet and the advisory that if I were MS I would take issue with the misrepresentation. There is a lot more text in the advisory but the value proposition is not high.

Workaround?
This isn’t a workaround. This is pretty much just an ‘around’. No work. Speaking of which, did they actually test that workaround?
Wow, that was easy.

-See that icon with the big blue W?
Uh, Yeah.
-Don’t click it.
Hey cool! I didn’t get attacked!
-Test complete.

And then, not unlike a falling tree making/not making noise in a forest, how much functionality is actually reduced when you don’t use a tool at all?
All of it?
None of it?
Some of it? If so, which part?
The functionality is still technically there, we…are…just…well, we’re advising you not to use it.

’nuff said

Pets and allergies

The other night Abby was laying on her tummy on her bed with her head in her hands.

I asked her what was the matter.

I want a horsey but we can’t because you are allergic.
If I kept him clean and washed him all the time then he wouldn’t be dirty and maybe you wouldn’t be allergic?

Oh, thanks honey, but it doesn’t matter how clean a horsey is, I am still allergic.

Well, maybe when you get bigger you won’t be allergic?

I am sorry, I already am bigger and I am probably going to be allergic the rest of my life.

[sigh]
[Angela enters at this point. She heard enough to know what was going on and Abby at this point, seeing my protruding lower lip and the quiver in my eyelid, saw her chance to make heart-juice puddle at my feet with a real zinger]

Isn’t there any pet we can get?
[I made the fateful pause, she pounced with a quavering voice and huge watery eyes batting extra large lashes]
A kitty?
[I shake my head]
A bunny?
[again]
A puppy?
[again, more weakly, my eyes on the floor, I don’t want to look]
A mousie mouse?
[I am done, she is just rubbing salt in now]
A taco-the-mouse? [guinea pig or gerbil, I don’t know which]

Let me tell you, if there is ever anyone that could make me sleep with an allergen it would be Abby.
I can’t wait till she is fifteen and I am rendered incoherent and drooling nonsense in the face of those eyes and her pout as I hand over a cell phone, the credit card, and the keys to the transportation device so she can paint the town with her friends.
Normally, I would say I am impervious, but the other night actually had me considering a pet.

Is there a theme going around?

Well it seems there is a theme going around.
The Amboy Observer reported snow, then I see Jen has snow too and I am left wondering…where is all of our snow? We didn’t get any.

I kid, I kid.

I don’t know the lows and highs exactly because I don’t have snappy equipment but I know the high was cold and the low is currently a lot colder. The last I checked, just now, the ‘stat by the kitchen door reads -6.4C.

I have so many other pictures that I don’t really want to pass them by with the snow but, I must.

Okay, except for this one of Emma smiling, she likes to smile.

Emma smiling

Okay, now that we have THAT out of the way, on to the snow.

Abby and I went sledding. We worked up slowly to the big hill, and after the preparation, the first trip down the “Big Hill” (which had 14 year olds screaming in fright), Abby was proud to declare

Hooray! I am big enough!
I’m a big girl Daddy! I can go down the big hill!
Yayyy!
I am big enough Daddy!

I’m doing it!

It was fast enough to blow my hat off.
Who knew the somtimes timid Abigail is an adrenaline junkie!

Abby on the sled

Abby, the happy sledder

Emma, in keeping with a long and glorious tradition…

she must be warm

fell asleep.

Emma closeup, REALLY sleeping

No brainer

Okay, so our neighborhood is all alight and typically I am a bit of a scrooge when it comes to putting up outdoor Christmas lights because, well a few reasons actually:

1. It is usually cold out.
2. It is usually hard to put them up
2a. No straight runs
2b. No accessible plugs
2c. Up and down the ladder a lot
3. It sucks power like a toaster…for every strand…all night.

Number three is the crux of the matter, why get cold and chip a nail when all you are doing is glowing money in colors right outside where I can’t even see them. Also, I tend to forget they are on again, because I can’t see them and they stay on all night. Or worse, all day! Add to this that we see all of approximately .638 cars per night (all night) in our neighborhood, we have something like 3.25 neighbors that can see the front of our house, and finally there is no covenant governing how many Christmas lights we have up.*
But I digress. We all went on a walk tonight to share the lights with Abby and one very tired Amelia and I caught a bit of the spirit. The whole way to the store earlier I was lamenting the energy thing, and wishing I had gone online to find the most energy efficient type of light.

Already at the Freddies I am anguishing over the warnings;
“75 Watts per strand. DO NOT add more than 3 strands per line!”
Visions of marshmallow roasts danced in my head.

So the painful walk along the many shapes, colors, and catch phrases doing poor jobs of differentiating their products brought me to the “end” of the aisle, the cap, where I pause…fleetingly, and with the infamous bulb noticeably dimming over my ill kept head of hair I catch the fated acronym.

L. E. D.

Say what? I look again.

Uses up to 98% less electricity.
Cool to the touch.
Bulbs rated for 20 years.
No glass bulbs to replace or break.

I have seen the light, and they are multi-colored LED’s all over my house. I don’t even care how much they cost, I don’t even know how the other kind ranks in that department.
You too can buy them or read all about them at holidaycreations.com.
They are installed, and I am just leaving them on all night (for now) just because I want to. And you know what, it wasn’t even that cold out with my hat and gloves on and I have a lot of really straight runs that I hardly even need a ladder for, so I got that goin’ for me.

Lest you think I am finished and you may move on, stay thee, we cannot progress without exploring the opportunity for breakage!
I was pleased that I would be hard-pressed to break many/any bulbs so I pitched it as a selling point to Ang. And then I promptly stepped on one, oops! But it didn’t matter cause it didn’t break!

So there I was, happily setting up my unbreakable Christmas LED’s (with extension cords and all) when I let my guard down for just a moment whereupon I wrenched the porch light fixture apart while installing the plug adapter. Now maybe you have done the same trying to secure that last bit of looseness out of a light bulb? It is common knowledge that a loose bulb is a dangerous bulb…that may not hold my weight…were I to choose to swing from it…on a rope…like Luke Skywalker…holding Leia.
It must be secure.

But the strange thing is I did it whilst twisting the delicate end of an energy efficient bulb like this.
So, this is where I enter another strange member into the distinguished hall of things I have broken, the light fixture socket piece thingy.

fixture socket thingy

* I kid you not, one of Abby’s dance friends families moved into a neighborhood where there is a covenant saying that they have to have X number of watts of Christmas lights up by a certain date. Covenants and me don’t go very far with each other but I would be one of the first ones to buy a HUGE flood-light like 1000 Watts or whatever, enough to satisfy the covenant, and point it right at the bedroom of whichever nincompoop decided HE didn’t want to feel like the only idiot causing a brown- out in HIS neighborhood so he wrote it into The Rules and made everyone ELSE talk with a lisp too!

Been a while I know…

Apologies for the wait, just haven’t made the time.

So, to kick things off again let me share a phrase I didn’t think a 4 year old knew, but she is film-wise, fancy free, and 4 years old going on 14.
The other night while putting her to bed, her enthusiasm for thwarting my attempts to get her into her pajamas was evident.

She giggled, moved her foot around, evaded, giggled again.
Pretty soon it was a laugh, but my patience was thin.

Abby?! C’mon now (I wasn’t very convincing)
(giggle, evade, shuffle, giggle)
ABBY! Stop. — (she relents in the face of The Stern) Thank you.

I feel a small pang of remorse at squelching childhood enthusiasm for The Tease, but that dissolved into laughter when, twirling her hair, she shot back,

Ahh, old killjoy.

–Cinderella, 1950

Interview with a 4 year old.

Abby and I talked about what she might say if someone asked her about her birthday, it turned into a good old fashioned interview.

L: What is your name?
A: Abigail.
L: Your whole name?
A: Abigail Elaine Zimmerman, my full name actually.

L: How old are you?
A: Uhhh, Four

L: What is your favorite movie?
A: Dorothy actually.

L: What is your favorite color?
A: Green, Most of all Red, but…and green.

L: Do you like to sing?
A: Yes
L: What?
A: Somewhere Over the Rainbow…sometimes.

L: Do you like to dance?
A: Yes
L: What do you like to dance? What is your favorite?
A: Lullabye League mostly. And, uhhh, Annies movie and Dorothy and Annies tap dance too.

L: Do you have any good friends?
A: Lexis…Lexi and Bella

L: Are you going to have a birthday party?
A: Yes, after I’m four.

L: When are you going to be four?
A: Ahhh, after we sleep!

L: Anything else you want to tell me about yourself?
A: I like pony coloring, the pony stuff at least. Halloween and Snow White dress, and the bugcatcher cage and the crickets.

L: The crickets? What crickets?
A: Mandragora and Carrot that I let go.
L: This summer?
A: No, next…ah…I don’t know when we let them go….and they poop! Ewwwww

L: Ok. 🙂 How tall are you now?
A: [Stands up and shows me]

A: Ask me what favorite clothes?
L: OK, Do you have any favorite clothes?
A: My Snow White dress is mostly it, but my Dorothy dress mostly, Bella’s jacket, Bella’s outfit, Bella’s smell. You know, everything that I get from…I won’t let my Mom wash it because it smells like Bella. I have a pink one.

L: Okay, so tomorrow you are going to be four. Is there anything that you would like to tell three before we stop?
A: My favorite puzzle and my favorite friend is Pooh Bear. And my best laptop is the flower one over there, and I have a purse that matches that too.

L: Thanks honey.
A: OK, you’re welcome.

The princess has become a queen.

While laying together falling asleep last night Angela was at the brink with Abby. [It was a long weekend]. After many minutes of arranging Mommy just how she wanted, her last request was a little dictatorial.

NO, Tickle my back here!
Hey, don’t be so bossy.
[raising her head and flicking Angela lightly on the chin with her finger]
YOU don’t be so cranky!

The look she got back can’t be written, it can only be witnessed. Many of you have seen THAT look.
What she then said was…

Do you think that was a good thing or NOT so good thing to do?
[Nobody has accused Abby of being less than observant]
Not so good thing. Sorry Mommy, Sorry.

Shortly thereafter, when it was my turn Abby instructed me that she would like me to lay on my back so we could snuggle. Never one to turn down a good snuggle, I obliged. Whereupon she said:

Momma…ah…Daddy?
Yeah.
You are more comfy than Momma.
[This is news to me, Mommy has ALWAYS been the preferred snuggle]
I am? Why?
Cause your bones aren’t so hard.

So, some small measure of consolation for one previously flicked on the chin.

Ever want to disappear?

If you ever feel like dropping off the planet for about four days, do I have the package for you.

The Package
It starts quickly with a flash weight-loss program, you can have your choice of one end or two. It WILL be one or the other, or both.

Rinse and repeat for 8 hours.

Follow that up with 6 hours of fever and chills with an occasional foray into the challenges of the first 8 hours followed closely by 36 hours of headache and energy levels on par with finally delivering your first child.

The Experience
4AM Thursday, Angela woke me up

I need you to stay home from work today.

I did, and saw her disappear, camouflaged against the white and green striped sheets all day. As it turns out I was staring down the barrel of a loaded bear rifle because at approximately exactly 8:22 AM Fri morning my weight loss program began.

I came through losing only three pounds in 12 hours. Angela lost eight pounds in about 8 hours.
Then late Friday night, 14 short hours after I waltzed into town, and just over 36 hours since Angela’s grand entrance, Abby uttered the words we had been waiting with dread.

Momma? My tummy doesn’t feel so good.

The viral jihad was on.

Those fateful words preceded a virtual all-nighter with a very sick little 4 year old, two beaten down 34 year olds, and one happy 6 month old to have everybody awake all the time when she wanted milk.

The Deal
HooWah. If you ever want to drop off the planet for four days, and don’t have the money for a bender to Hawaii, have I got the all inclusive, family-of-four, whale of a deal, virus for you.