Some of you may know this and some of you may just be learning;
I break things.
I have broken axe handles, maul handles, axe heads, hammer claws, tape measures, I even break tupperware…occasionally.
This is yet another installment in the widening world of
“Things Lief Has Broken”
The special place this implement holds is that I happened to break it three seperate times, in different ways.
1) You may notice this is a pipe. It didn’t come with a pipe but an ash handle. Ash is a wood known for its hardness and used frequently for axes, shovels, and hoes. It was doomed before I got it home.
3) Chronologically this one came next. It was about 2 weeks after the pipe was retrofitted to the tool. These two tines used to be as long as the other two. It was asphalt and well…more about that later, they broke.
2) This happened the other day and was a casual and unexplainable break. I merely stepped on the lever in the way in which it was designed and it snapped.
The last unique and profound thing about this example is that it represents the three types of breaks that I have been victimized by for years.
1) Overuse or Extra-use. I am simply pulling dandelions, just so you know, and I just happened to snap the handle because I just cranked on it too hard. This is how I break things like axe-handles and crow bars.
3) Abuse. Plain and simple, I wanted to see what would happen to the asphalt/concrete if I just, oh, dropped the tines straight down with the added weight of that big ol pipe. This is how I break tape measures.
2) Obtuse. Sometimes things just “explode” in my hand. No malice, no frustration, I have no explanation for how these things happen. Sometimes I am in the wrong place at the wrong time, like when I broke the door lock knob off of Andy’s scirocco…twice. Sometimes my exuberance just gets the best of a nearby inanimate object, ala tupperware.
Farewell sweet Dandelion Puller, you were an able-bodied compatriot in the fight against weeds.
blief 
You do have a knack at breaking things. You should market yourself as a tester for all things previously thought to be indestructable (i.e. bomb shelters, diamonds, etc.).
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A dandelion puller? Unbelievable! You do have some sort of energy vortex operation all right.
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What’s that luggage that the gorilla threw around to see if it could withstand airport handlers? Maybe you could work for them! If that’s your only flaw, you are doing fine.
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Is it just me or do you have a weird way of counting? (1, 3, 2??) What’s the point of counting if you’re not going to use them in the right order? 🙂
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That’s hilarious.
I like the 3 categories of breakage.
A brief review of my career reveals that it is only Abuse that I am skilled at. Maybe there should be a sub-category of Abuse called Neglect with three more sub-categories of Neglect: rust, insufficient lubrication and biological agents (mold/bacteria) which are specialties of mine.
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There must be a better explanation for this. That tool was supposed to be made from cast iron, which would provide many years of use and abuse (from a normal person) without breaking. Even dropping it on the asphalt should have not broken the tines.
I submit that you are inappropriately taking the blame for a defective product. In the same way as shoe sizes can be re-labeled in the warehouse from “Medium” to “Large” it is possible that your dandelion puller was re-labeled from “cheap pot metal” to “genuine cast iron”
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He wasn’t counting he was labeling…..
Bob-op has it correct. What passes for “genuine cast iron” these days is sad. Also if you examine the break closely (and it hasn’t been to long since you broke it…. excuse me, … since it failed) you should examine the break. Look for a slight difference in color on the face of the break. The new break will be brighter then an existing crack or manufacturing defect.
You may also find that the ash handle break was not your abuse but rather the handle was not fit properly and thus the torque was at a leverage point on the tool rather then being distributed evenly.
And of course asphalt removal is not an unusual use for that tool. As you may know King County Airport, aka Boeing Field, is undergoing quite a bit of renovation this summer. And although a back hoe is very efficient at removing asphalt, they are quite slow at yielding the right of way to planes. But, from my perch, I can see many county workers armed with weed pullers easly dodge the latest Jet Blue or Alaska Air 737 delivery.
If anyone else needs an excuse for something let me know.
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I haven’t met Brad yet that I remember, but I’ve got to let Brad know that excuses is not what Lief needs! He has broken just about everything he has touched including the hearts of all the girls in high school who had their eyes on him when he (wisely) chose Angela to be his bride.
As his Grumpy G, I have to admit that he has yet to even put a dent in my cherry pickup, although I trustingly let him use it each time he asks. His younger brother, on the other hand (the one who “invented” the category of “Abuse”) is the only person known to mankind who could jackknife a long-tongued trailer attached to the same pickup truck, thereby spoiling an otherwise perfectly aged rear fender when it and the trailer came to a meeting of corners.
Now, I the Great Grumpy G must confess to demolishing one driver’s side rearview mirror on my most prized ’04 V-6 Accord when I allowed too-little clearance between said Accord and an oncoming automobile, each going about 45-50 miles per hour.
Is it the genetics?
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I had no idea that was such a remarkable feat. I have stayed away from trailers since that occasion.
I’ve never played rearview mirror-chicken before. I’m impressed.
The last time I damaged a rearview mirror was when I was transporting some 20-foot lengths of rebar on my truck’s roof, without tying them down.
Well, it certainly wasn’t the wind that caused them to roll off.
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Brad, you are a genius. Lief may not need excuses, but I sure do. I will study your technique assiduously.
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