Starbert

Tonight, The Mermaids, The Mommy and I sat scattered around our cluttered table, eating our own dinners on an evening when dance went late, work went late and the collective day felt long.
Being the male lion that I am, I fixed my own meal, and began eating – my blood sugar level rose first.

TheWeeOne was impressing us with her secure knowledge of left and right while LaGrande was giving mnemonic tips for how to remember left from right; something TheWeeOne clearly already grasped.

I had another idea.

You know your “L” on your left hand only works for you, from where you are looking at it. WeeOne doesn’t see an “L” on your left hand but rather on your right…how can you decide, using the “L shape” which is left and which is right when you are facing different directions?
Huh?
On a ship…do you know what they call ‘left’?
No
Port
Huh?
But the port side is the SAME side no matter which way YOU are facing because it is the same side RELATIVE to the front of the ship.
Hm
Do you know what they call the ‘right’ side?
Right?
No, it’s called starboard.
Starb…?
Starboard.
Oh.

Now that they had the basics I started quizzing them. TheWeeOne caught on very quickly and where she stumbled LaGrande caught her hand.

If the ship is facing THIS way…which side is this?
PORT!
And what do you call this side!
STARBERT!
Right!

We did that for a few minutes, they had it down pat.
So I added fore and aft.

Now, if the ship is facing THIS way what do you call this side?
STARBERT!
And this side?
PORT!
And this way?
FORE!
And…

…you get the picture.

Ahh, it was good and easy game; some new words. But we tired quickly and soon we sat there breathing deep from our moments of explosive learning, content to soak in our new-found wisdom.

TheWeeOne, did not come down from this high quite so quickly and thereupon educated us all on a little-known and clearly superior directional.

So…if a PRINCESS is facing THIS way (pointing forward)…which way is her dress?!
Wha…Which way, what? (truly dumbfounded)
It’s THIS WAY!!

…and she made a big hoop shape with her arms and yelled

IT’S POOFY!

So there you have it.

On a ship:
< – Port
> – Starbert
^ – Fore
/ – Aft

On a princess:
O – Poofy